Adventures "Selling" Google Sandals

In September 2004, I posted the following craigslist ad under San Francisco bay area -> east bay -> Berkeley Free Stuff.

Google Sandals (in trade for funny story/poem) (berkeley)

Reply to:
Date: 2004-09-22, 10:07PM PDT

I have a pair of new Google Sandals. (They're too big for me.)

You can't buy these at the Google Store! I was given them one summer as an intern as Google.

I don't feel right selling them, so I'm willing to give them to the person that sends me the funniest or most interesting story, poem, anecdote, praise, etc., either true or false, that involves Google in some way. Please submit your entries by Thursday midnight. I am willing to ship these sandals to the winner if the winner lives too far away for a hand-off to work (provided the winner pays shipping).

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I received seven replies, only some of which mentioned Google in the story / poem. Here they are in order by arrival. Names and e-mail addresses have been removed.

Subject: Google Sandals (in trade for funny story/poem)
Explanation of Life!  What stage are you in?

God created the dog.

God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."  The
said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give
other ten."  So God agreed (sigh).

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people,
monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life
said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so.
you back ten, so that's what I'll do."

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to field
the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give
support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."  The
"That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.
Let me
have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty."  And God

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, and
Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said,

Only twenty years? No way, man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty,
and the
forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave
makes eighty, okay?"  "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy,
and do

nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our

for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our
for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at

Life has now been explained!

Subject: Google poem
A Googler's inspiration
By PurpleCar

google yourself
crush or make
your ego

i am the only me
you may find

among thousands,
of the famous
for 15kb/sec

gmail client
to recent tradition

google yourself
a memo
remind yourself
to search for
who you are
and what it is
you do best...

So what is so interesting about this poem?  That it
was discovered by the "I'm feeling lucky" button with
the search criteria "Google poem."  Google responded
saying that Googlers will keep this in mind with the
design of their future services.  The poem was written
in response (and support) of an article criticizing
the Gmail:

"But here's the real problem with GMail. 
GMail is an email client. Google is a server company. 
Hotmail is an email client. Microsoft is a client
Email is a client business."
                            -Ross from

Subject: sandals for google tale
idle hands idle hands.... i got no job right now.... so when im not respondfing to random craigslist postings ... i fool around with the google "images" engine.
i like to type in unrelated random words untill i find a combination with only one result. ....
you got to ask yourself
who the hell is this guy,
and why is his immage the only result for the three words
cone Boston fun
its three hours and 15 minutes to midnight, in the text to his right ... the clock, however is one hour slower.... is that the fun part? or is the fun part his starched collar? is he pretending to induce barfing, or pointing out his upper lip for all the boston ladies with the madonna cone boobs to oggle? this was a pretty good catch, but not good enough to complete my search
i doscovered that
 starfish urine balm
is a legitimate phrase to use
when searching for a product to snap tight your diaper with....
i was getting closer....
my favorite of the afternoon
this lady
mrs:   underoos 5 thumb       herself!

underoos 5 thumb underooos 5 thumb underoos 5 thumb underoos 5 thumb underoos 5 thumb

finally, a success for the day!
now maybe i can put on some pants and a shirt, get back to my comix, afternoon naps and finally knuckle down and in a manner that can only be described as profesional...
put off revising my resume.  

Subject: Babe and the Big Blue...
     Hope this make you chuckle...

     So my girlfriend Rebecca and I were driving down the coast of 
Northern California a few weeks ago on our return trip from Oregon. It was 
late afternoon and we were on the last leg of our trip. The drive was 
great, we were going through a beautiful forest, there was some fog in 
the air and a little drizzle of rain, yet it was still a crisp and 
bright day. We hit a clearing in the road and on the side of the road was a 
little gift shop and a towering statue of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Big 
Blue Ox. They were HUGE, Paul was at least one hundred feet tall. We 
were both excited so I swerved off the road and parked the car. 
     I got the camera and stood a ways back to get a full picture while 
my girlfriend walked toward Paul and Babe. As she was walking up, a 
booming voice shouted down, "Howdy little lady."
     My girlfriend said, "Hi Paul!", and looked up into the statue's 
     "What's your name?", Paul asked.
     "Who's that guy way over there?", he asked her of me.
     "That's my boyfriend.", she said.
     "HOWDY BOYFRIEND!", he yelled over to me.
     I yelled back, "HI PAUL!"
     So we take some pictures and have a conversation with Paul for a 
while. I'm looking in the window for someone with a microphone. As we 
were taking pictures, the drizzle picked up. We noticed a trail behind 
Paul, so we decided to go into the woods and check it out and also get 
out of the rain for a bit. 
     So as we were walking back behind Paul, I look over my shoulder 
and notice that Babe the Big Blue Ox has a pair of Bigs Blue Ox Balls. 
Each one the size of a VW Bug at least! I mention this to my girlfriend, 
she laughs. We turn around and walk back down the path and she says, 
     "That'd be a funny picture, standing underneath Babe's Big Blue 
Balls!!", I agreed. She went on, "I mean he'd probably let you, go ask 
him, "Paul can we touch Babe's Big Blue Balls?"
     A voice thunders down on us, "...Ra....becca...., that's not very 
     She apologizes to Paul and we say goodbye, she is too embarrased 
to even turn and look at him, she jogs off to the car, she says because 
it was raining, but I say it was out of embarrasment. 
     Paul continued his admonition as she jogged away, "Bye Rebecca, 
try to stay out of trouble."

     So if not for the sandals, hopefully it made you laugh.

     Take Care, 


Subject: Google Sandals (in trade for funny story/poem)


I am in need of a pair of sandals (pretty much desperately, living with shared bathroom quarters in S.F.);

As for the funny story or anecdote, I really do not carry a lot of funny stories, but I made up a nine to five shower sonnet this evening whilst ‘so doing’ and hope you read it for enjoyment:


Ah, a lesser find than a pair of pumps, whilst a worn denier I am without

And likely a cobbler’s pair I dream of naught

The shower nine o’ five asks  Finer – for left and right will ever be sought.

Amongst the crowds; a search wrought

Remains a’ lacking that perfect fit to scald and lacquer in suds under the shower.

There is no beggars conversance having already set my sights to sandals.

No homeless wanderer has paid this price of Google’s triad now a quartet

Of sandals, yes, they’re left, no, the right…

O’er the cleaner

Both I admire, lest the hour will pass…when

A tap tap tapping arrive the Cherie sandals

Both left and right.


Thank you very much, I really appreciate the chance to obtain sandals (I am a temporary worker). In all honestly, I have been waiting for the price to go down at Rite-Aid; but even those sandals are not cheap (I am a female with a rather large foot size – 9.5 to 11 range; but anything will do). Take care.




Subject: Google Sandals funny story / poem
ok here go's

Those dam Google Sandals are to small for my feet, I look at them and 
think to myself that they would be nice to have and say and, I live 
google, but with out them, Iam Google, but my foot size is "SIZE 13". I 
think that two of those almost fit on one foot. maybe be if you had Four 
of them, them might fit with a little "DUCK TAP". 

So there go my pear of Google Sandals!


Subject: The Googleman
Dear GoogleSandalsHaver, I am going to tell you a story about Google in hopes of earning the google sandals. I had a dream last night that I was taking a hard math test. And then suddenly while struggling to do derivatives (which is odd because i have a super leet Ti-89 that i can just rub on the test and have it do it for me AND show work) I heard a voice calling my name. I turned around and it was the Googleman!! He was big and furry and he said.."I will help you if you can write out the number a google!!! 1..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0..0............" so i slaved over the zeros and he finally leaned over and said "i actually can't help you on this just have to BELIEVE!!!" and he burst into the Prince of Egypt theme song. Okay..i just realized that my story had nothing to do with it involves google and it makes me happy when I tell people about it...Thanks for reading! Sincerely, GoogleSandalsWanter

I gave the sandals to the person that sent the stream-of-conciousness image googlewhacking e-mail.